when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
