i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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