There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
