I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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