alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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