So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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