haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
