I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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