Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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