Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
