just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
