she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
be right there i have to get my cape
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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