you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
