My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you never un-have a 4some
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
