so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
