I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
