Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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