I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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