He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
