she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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