How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
its liver damage thursday
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
