We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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