Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
