yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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