Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
