I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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