This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
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