Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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