this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
