YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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