dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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