I think im going to throw up on grandma
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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