How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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