yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
