We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
