therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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