The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
