Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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