So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
