was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
