bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
