ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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