Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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