Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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