Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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