Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
