I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
