I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
