I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
