I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
