This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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