i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
