man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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