I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
