so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
look no pants
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
