Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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