it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
