Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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