Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
