im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
