Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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