So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
