I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
