do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
