i wish my penis had a tongue
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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