her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
