Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
