theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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