How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
