remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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