I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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