Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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