Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i don't like sucking hair
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
