i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
