i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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