So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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