Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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