I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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