We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
