textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
